Why Spiritual Growth Can Feel Isolating Before It Feels Liberating

You have already awoken to your most dynamic self. You understand the complex nature of who you are, and you sense that this is only the tip of the iceberg. Awakening to this divine structure within you is quite something. It can take years to fully integrate, and in the meantime, a number of transformational stages naturally unfold.

I am no alchemist, yet I understand this process of change through alchemical stages. It makes sense to the practical mind, and my lived experience of it feels true.

During this process of transformation, the Path can feel unstable as you venture into unfamiliar territory. Awakening often begins with the realisation that you are far more expansive than you were led to believe — a belief you once adopted in order to survive. Over time, that belief became reinforced, calcified… until one day it cracked, and light poured in.

That light awakens you to an alternate reality. A reality where you are far more dynamic, and where many of the structures around you are built upon the false premise that people are small, limited, and insignificant.

As this light illuminates what is no longer true, you may stumble to find your ground. The foundation you once stood on begins to crumble, and this can feel disorienting, even frightening. In alchemical language, this phase is known as Nigredo — the blackening — where what is no longer true must dissolve before anything new can emerge. Though deeply uncomfortable, this stage is not a mistake. It is the necessary breakdown that makes genuine transformation possible.

At this point, you are faced with a choice: to go in search of a new foundation, or to attempt to repair the old one. Often, beneath this choice lies an unspoken fear — the fear of losing identity, belonging, or the relationships that once anchored you.

In this instability, you also begin to see yourself in a new light. Naturally, this shifts how you perceive the people around you. You start to question intentions, patterns, and unspoken agreements that once went unnoticed. You are rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself, and this inner shift ripples outward into your closest relationships.

You may find yourself rejecting, distancing from, or reassessing relationships that once felt secure. You see behaviours more clearly now, and it can be surprising — even unsettling — to realise you never noticed them before.

At this stage, it is wise to pause and turn your gaze inward. It is easy to judge others without applying the same honesty to yourself. This is a tender moment of realisation, where you recognise that you, too, played a part in the dysfunction — not through fault or failure, but through unconsciousness.

This reckoning is not about superiority or separation. It is not that you are “above” others — rather, you are between versions of yourself.

At this point in the transformation, a period of solitude is often necessary. Not as avoidance, but as space — space to grieve past choices, to forgive mistakes, and to meet yourself with compassion. As clarity begins to return, responsibility and forgiveness arise. Alchemists referred to this phase as Albedo — a gentle purification of perception, where blame gives way to understanding.

This solitude can feel deeply isolating. You are understanding yourself on an entirely new level, and the old ways of relating no longer fit. Healing takes time to process and integrate, not only in the mind, but in the body and nervous system as well. Forgiveness becomes the core of this work — forgiveness of yourself, and of others.

Forgiveness does not excuse what was harmful; it releases what binds you to it.

During this time, your closest relationships may feel particularly rocky. As you relearn how to trust and love yourself, it will naturally take time to re-trust and re-love others. At the same time, those around you also need space to adjust. They are relating to a new foundation — one that has shifted beneath their feet as well.

Compassion is essential here. You are undergoing profound change, and your relationships are being asked to evolve alongside you. The structure upon which they were built has changed, and everyone involved needs time to find their footing.

This process cannot be rushed. There will be moments of discomfort, grief, and uncertainty. Yet when these moments are met honestly and courageously — with love and forgiveness — they are often followed by moments of relief, clarity, and quiet bliss.

As you continue to deepen, the pattern may repeat. Each cycle asks you to release another layer and to stand on truer ground. Though challenging, this spiral of transformation is what leads to genuine liberation — not freedom from life, but freedom to meet it as who you truly are, with integrity, compassion, and presence.

No pressure. Just space to listen more closely.